‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ and when ‘being on a break’ makes cheating OK

Does 'being on a break' excuse cheating?

How do relationship breaks reflect societal views?

What role do friends play in breaks?

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A viral TV moment is sparking conversations about when stepping out of a relationship is OK.

In Season 3 of Hulu's "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives," it comes to light #MomTokcreator Jessi Draper had an affair with Marciano Brunette, of "Vanderpump Villa." But the relationship happened while Draper says she was "on a break" from her marriage with husband Jordan Ngatikaura.

While Draper, 33, told Elite Daily Nov. 14 she and her husband are now back together, viewers have taken to social media to weigh in: Did "on a break" mean Draper's affair was OK? Or did she cheat?

"Before I'm labeling Jessi as a cheater, I need to know the 'separation' they were in," one fan said.

Breaks aren't a new thing. (Many will remember the most divisive TV break of all time, Ross and Rachel of "Friends.") But breaks lack a common definition, explains Amanda Miller, professor of sociology at the University of Indianapolis. The parameters of a break are up to individuals — paving the way for confusion or judgment from outsiders.

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"Trying to create (rules) when you're already in a bad place is extraordinarily difficult," Miller says.

Does 'taking a break' excuse cheating?

Because a break is such an undefined relationship step, it's very common for couples to struggle to set the terms.

"It would be very possible (both partners) consider 'being on a break' as two different things," Miller says. While one partner may say they're not going to date anyone else, the other may take the opportunity to pursue another connection. Either way, it's about agreeing to those rules and boundaries to prevent hurt and promote growth, she says.

"If you're thinking about taking a break, there's a good chance you're already struggling with communication," Miller says. "Anytime you go off script, that's when you need to communicate the most. We're making the rules as we follow them."

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It can be easy to feel cheated on when one person interprets the break differently, says Deborah Carr, professor of sociology at Boston University.

"If the couple does not both believe they are on a break and have the freedom to pursue other interests — then that's cheating," Carr says, adding agreeing to see others doesn't mean the reality of your partner getting with someone else won't sting, though. "A couple may agree ... 'yes we are free to see other people' but one partner might still be really hurt."

The "Mormon Wives" Season 3 plot thickens as the friends of #MomTok try their best to help Draper and Ngatikaura navigate the situation. But a break puts couple's friends in a "tough position," Miller says. Friends aren't privy to the ins and outs of a marriage or relationship, so their understanding of the arrangement and ability is limited and their advice can only go so far.

If you're considering taking a break...

A break can be a good idea for anyone going through trauma who needs to step away and heal, Carr says. Or if happy couples suddenly feel they've reached a plateau.

If you're considering a break, Carr suggests agreeing on the length of the break, rules for being with other people and specific goals for the time apart.

"They just need to be really clear about the terms of the break or else they'll destroy the relationship."